Estrangement

Estrangement from important others is a sad fact of life for many people. One of the most painful experiences a parent can have, for example, is to be rejected by an adult child who appears to want nothing to do with them. Estrangement between siblings, in-laws, neighbors, even coworkers, is also common.

The reasons this happens are as diverse as the parties involved. Sometimes there was a very close relationship in the past, and something happened that created distance. This may have happened either slowly over time or rather suddenly, but once that distance was created, it solidified into estrangement. Or, the relationship was never as close as it could have been, and the gap just kept getting wider, until there was no relationship at all.

If you are estranged from someone in your family or social circle, and the estrangement is their choice rather than yours, you are probably feeling rejected. Rejection is a powerful emotion that can lead to all sorts of defensive behavior, which in turn can further alienate the rejecting person. If someone has chosen to have little or no contact with you, it’s important to acknowledge any softer feelings you may have about that. Often when we’re hurt we resort to anger, resentment or vengefulness. But these are indicators of unacknowledged sadness, loss and grief.

There are steps you can take to try to mend fences. It’s worth trying to do so, because the other person may be suffering just as you are. If it turnscontinue reading