Ask Amy

The Washington Post

I hope you can help me. My mother and I have a generally warm and close relationship and I consider her one of my best friends. Like many mothers and daughters, we occasionally fight.

Ever since I was a child, even small fights have ended the same way: She tells me I am a miserable, nasty person and says I will end up alone. Although this has been a pattern for years, it still pains me deeply, and I lapse into a funk for days after one of these arguments. I don’t know if those are her true feelings or just ammunition, but either way, I just can’t tune out her words. I have tried every approach to get her to drop the speech, but she won’t listen.

Is this how mothers and daughters normally fight? Am I right in asking her to stop? She refuses to discuss it or try group therapy, and she is not suffering from any psychological or mental disorders.

I would really appreciate your advice. — AC

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