Laughter is good for the soul...and the relationship...


  • "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty year she served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never been found." - Calvin Trillin

  • "Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore." - Ogden Nash

  • "I was born because my mother needed a fourth for meals." - Beatrice Lillie

  • "A mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don't even have." - Robert Brault

  • "It's not easy being a mother.  If it were easy, fathers would do it." - From The Golden Girls

  • "When humor goes, there goes civilization." - Erma Bombeck




An Old Woman, Her Daughter and a Donkey

 

There was an old woman, her daughter and a donkey.  They were going to town and it was decided that the daughter should ride.  As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the daughter to ride and the old woman to walk.

 

The woman and her daughter decided that maybe the critics were right; so they changed positions.  Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that woman to make her young daughter walk.

 

The two decided that maybe they both should walk.  Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride.  The woman and her daughter decided maybe the critics were right so they decided that they both should ride.

 

They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal.  The old woman and her daughter decided that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.

 

As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned.

 

The moral of the story is...if you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass!






Is this what we have to look forward to???????

 

A group of 15-year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for
dinner.

 

Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen
next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had
$6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social
Studies, lives on that street and they might see him and they can ride
their bikes there.

 

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where
they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap,
they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there
were lots of cute guys.

 

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good,
it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there wouldn't be too
many whiny little kids.

 

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that
they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis
were big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

 

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should
meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was
reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case
of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

 

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was
 good and they have an early bird special.

 

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too
spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an
elevator!

 

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed
where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they
should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been
there before.



Murphy's Laws for Mothers

  • Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don't.   
  • If you can't remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn't.
  • The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you. 
  • Never criticize your mother's cooking if you expect to get any more of it. 
  • If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers. 
  • Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
  • The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
  • Mother's way is best. If you don't believe it, ask her.
  • When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
  • The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
  • Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.
  • Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you've already done it.
  • The longer it's been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
  • Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
  • There are always two sides to a story - the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
  • Mothers always "know." We don't know how - they just do.












Joke of the Day




Exercises That Do No Good

By John Pool, M.D.


  • Climbing the walls
  • Dragging your heels
  • Grasping at straws
  • Skipping your meals
  • Tilting at windmills
  • Spinning your wheels
  • Jumping the gun
  • Passing the buck
  • Kicking yourself
  • Pushing your luck
  • Stretching the truth
  • Running amock
  • Swimming upstream
  • Flying off the handle
  • Falling out
  • Going for broke
  • Heaving a sigh
  • Throwing a fit
  • Weaving a spell





Classic (and soon to be classic) Comedies



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