For Mothers

The primary focus of this website is on the adult daughter’s perspective of the mother-daughter relationship, but there is certainly a lot of overlap…every mother is/was a daughter and many daughters are also mothers. We have found that a helpful strategy in trying to heal the mother-daughter relationship is to try to see things from the other’s perspective and to try to understand their feelings, motivations and viewpoint. That’s why mothers often find the articles, videos and resources on this site to be helpful too. But this section is specifically For Mothers:

broken heart Visit our Mother-Daughter Estrangement Page
Teens image For those mothers with teens, visit Moms & Teen Girls Page for strategies

Featured Article

Too Close for Comfort? Questioning the Intimacy of Today’s New Mother-Daughter Relationship

By Linda Perlman Gordon and Susan Morris Shaffer, Oprah.com

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want,
and then advise them to do it. 
~ Harry Truman

We believe mothers and their adult daughters can’t be best friends, but they can develop a gratifying relationship.  Turbulence happens when a mother can’t accept her daughter as an adult.  The basic question for mothers is:  Do you trust your daughter to be an independent and self-sufficient woman?  And can you support her in making choices and doing things differently from how you would do them?  Control is elusive, even when your daughter is younger, and it certainly is less appropriate when she is an adult.  One of the most important messages you can give to your daughter is your permission to let her be herself, and as she becomes an adult, you should expect that same acceptance from her.

We want to avoid some of the dysfunctional patterns that may have occurred when our daughters were younger.  What we say to our daughter as an adult, she may still hear with the ears of her younger self.  We have to be more cautious with adult daughters, because we want them to hear us with their adult selves.  According to Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents, parents should “keep their mouths shut and their doors open.”

All of us have to accept at this point in ourcontinue reading

More Articles

Mothers vs. Daughters

Mothers vs. Daughters
Mothers vs. Daughters: Why Can't We Just Get Along? WebMD Feature from "Good Housekeeping" Magazine By Jennifer Allen, www.WebMD.com You love each other...yet one of you is always saying the wrong thing!  How to improve the conversation-and the relationship. I sometimes think of my daughtersread more

Overstepping Boundaries

Overstepping Boundaries
Mothers and Daughters:  Are You Overstepping Your Boundaries? By Amy Bloom, O, The Oprah Magazine Yes to sharing eye makeup, yes to sharing hairdressers, No to matching haircuts and outfits.  Yes to helping each other avoid certain relatives, No to dishing about husbands or boyfriends or dating.read more

You're Wearing That by Deborah Tannen

You're Wearing That by Deborah Tannen
Author Deborah Tannen offers communications insights and tips... Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy  Read Book Discussion Excerpt from You're Wearing That? By Deborah Tannen Mothers and Daughters in Conversation My daughters can turn my read more

15 Insights on Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships

15 Insights on Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships
By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Mother-daughter relationships are complex and diverse.  Some mothers and daughters are best friends.  Others talk once a week.  Some see each other weekly; others live in different states or countries.  Some spar regularly.  Some avoid conflict.  Others talk throughread more