A Little Bit of Happiness…?

Life just isn’t easy, is it?  We struggle with so much.  And all we really want is just to be happy and content in our lives.  Now that my role with my mother has changed since my dad died a few years ago and she’s getting older, I wonder more and more about what responsibility I have for her happiness.  Do I have any really?  I feel like I do.

Laurie and I have discussed this at length, as she has many of the same feelings I have.  It seems like no one should have the responsibility to make another person happy…doesn’t it have to come from within?  What responsibility do we have for our mothers then and their happiness?

My mom doesn’t have an over-abundance of close friends.  She never has.  And, unfortunately, her closest friends live far away.  She’s never been a huge social butterfly to begin with, and doesn’t mind spending time alone, but sometimes I feel guilty when I tell her about things I’m doing over the weekend, for instance, or when I feel like I’m not spending enough time with her.  But she could do more things socially if she wanted to.  Someone even mentioned to me recently that maybe she likes hearing about my weekends because she can live vicariously through me.  I can see that as a possibility, but that’s just not how it feels to me.

I worry because I’m afraid for myself…afraid that I’ll be all alone when I’m elderly.  I don’t want my mom to be alone, but how much can I devote myself to her on a daily basis?  It’s a hard thing to struggle with.  I just want her to be happy, but how can I accomplish that?  Is that even my role?  And can it even be done?  Should it?

I struggle, I worry, I feel guilty and overwhelmed.  Doesn’t everyone deserve a little happiness?  And if I can help my mom find some now and again, isn’t that a good thing?  As I said, life just isn’t easy, is it?